Running After You

Running After You

What does it mean to be tired?

Worn out, weary, exhausted, incapable of thought, word or deed.

I don’t want to talk about it.

I’m tired of the talk, I’m tired of the step, this step. This step is broken.

It’s shattered, I’m shattered, my dreams are shattered, my vision is broken. All is broken.

I’d scream it from the edge of the canyon, if I had the energy.

But I’m tired, so very tired. I’m spent, I have done all to stand. And now all I can do is sit!

I was once a runner, a sprinter in fact. I had never lost a race in my youth. I loved the rush of the wind in my face. The gun would go off and I would close my eyes and go for it. Then I would open them when I had reached full speed, only to see no one ahead of me.

Then there came a day, in the finals, when the gun went off, and my foot slipped and I almost fell on my face. I recovered and gave it all I had, but I opened my eyes and to my surprise there was still someone right next to me, one pace ahead. I gave it all I had but lost by 0.02 seconds.

Soon after we came to Australia and I stopped running on the field ever since.

I have been running in the spirit for the last 10 years. In pursuit of Him, of the one who saves, in pursuit of the dream, in pursuit of His purpose. I’ve been running by faith, by His word, after Him, with all I have.

My favourite song at the moment is called “Running After You”, and it mentions these words “deep calls to deep” and this passage.

Psalms 42:7-11 [Roaring] deep calls to [roaring] deep at the thunder of Your waterspouts; all Your breakers and Your rolling waves have gone over me. Yet the Lord will command His loving-kindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I will say to God my Rock, Why have You forgotten me? Why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? As with a sword [crushing] in my bones, my enemies taunt and reproach me, while they say continually to me, Where is your God? Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God.

I’ve been stretching up and out, living life on the edge, in reckless abandon, caring not for anything but him. When I have fallen I have got up. When the Devil has me on the ropes, or delivers a knock out blow, I refuse to stay down.

Now I find myself once again on the ground, winded, bruised, battered, sore and weary. I’m sitting here, in this moment, asking for help, calling a “time out”, considering just staying down!

Psalms 37:23-24 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand.

But then a flicker, a flash, a memory, a vision, of me climbing with all my might up a huge spiral staircase. It was made of stone, it was like one of those epic movies, where the hero climbs the thousand steps of the tower to rescue the princess. I was strong like Hercules, I had climbed half way to the top, but had collapsed on the broken step. I reached up but had no strength left. But then the sound of a mighty earthquake and a giant foot stepped through the staircase in front of me. All I could see was the foot.

It was the Lord, He reached down from on high and lifted me up, and set my feet upon a high rock, several levels up.

I can go no further up this path, without His intervention. I refuse to go down, I will wait for Him to step in.

Psalms 144:5-7 Bow Your heavens, O Lord, and come down; touch the mountains, and they shall smoke. Cast forth lightning and scatter [my enemies]; send out Your arrows and embarrass and frustrate them. Stretch forth Your hand from above; rescue me and deliver me out of great waters, from the hands of hostile aliens (tribes around us)

Thanks be to God, who hears my word, knows my thoughts and cares how I feel.

This is what He said and what I needed to hear.

Break free from brokenness

Break free from brokenness. Cut the binding. Release the bonds, break the bonds of brokenness. Release the weight. Be untied, be un tired. Be released. Do you not see the fragments. It is the rock that is broken, for you would not cut the ties. I have broken what you are attached to. You are free. No more attachment. Not “please find attached”, but please find “no attachment”. Sent, not undo send, sent without attachment. Be not attached. No binding, no attachment. Lay aside every weight and press on towards the prize. Now take the broken pieces and use them to rebuild. Touch the brokenness without attachment. Lift and release, lift and place and release.