Torn

And it tears at my soul...

"Just give me Jesus"

"You can have all this world"

What is the point of the promise?

"I don't want anyone else... you are my one thing"

In the absence of.

In the presence of.

In the absence of.

In the presence of.

In the absence of.

In the presence of.

I see you mourning the absence of, yet so thankful for the presence of.

Every day I am presented with the absence of, the lack of, the distance from, the isolation of, the withdrawal from, the emptiness of, the empty cup. I am so tired of dealing with all the plans of men. I see behind their bravado, the complete loss, the utter lack of all that is meaningful. Everyone trying to make plans, but completely missing the point.

In the absence of.

In the presence of.

In the absence of.

In the presence of.

In the absence of.

In the presence of.

I feel the choice is to take over, or hold back, to push or to pull. I am so tired of the tug of war.

"I give you my whole heart, all my devotion."

In the absence of, in the presence of.

Your words keep echoing in my ears, like an echo chamber, like a container that I cannot break.

Yet I feel that which whelms up inside you, a tipping point, a point from which you cannot step back from.

Will I remain present, or become absent? Do my words carry weight, or will I be weighed down by my words? What is my impact? Can I commit to another adventure without direction, or with those who want to define my purpose? At this point the way is not clear, and yet I see some relationships of benefit, they all lack vision, and only express hopefulness. I feel like I am being pulled under, so many in need of rescue, and all I have is this sinking feeling.

For they remain in the boat, yet you know how to walk on the water.

I only see benefits from the one, not the many, reveal unto me your purpose, reveal unto me the destination.

For how will they know the way unless you show them?

Yet they all seem to think they know all about what I offer, yet really have no clue.

Yet is this not the place of definition?

Did you not call this a defining moment, a redefining moment, a refining moment, a sharpening moment, a separating moment, a dividing moment.

For from the one comes the many.

For in the absence of there is only lack.

For in the presence of there is only fullness.

For I am filling your empty cup.

I am bringing you back to the kings table.

For you shall have my voice at the table.

For I saw you putting forth a possible approach, talking about what had worked before, and the reality was where you lead there was success, where another lead there was failure.

I see you questioning your leadership.

So many questions, so many answers.

Yet I say unto you, "you are the answer!"

For I will not permit you to give your mantle to another.

For the one who responded to your direction is the one to work with.

You love to point me to the least likely Lord.

What is it you see now?

The arrow lodged in the bullseye of the target, then shaking with such impact that it shatters the whole target. What does it mean?

For you think that your impact is small, and yet it goes far beyond all you imagine.

It is time to climb the wave. It is time to rise above. It is time to make progress on the dangerous heights of testing and trouble.

For we keep moving forward, in expectation that you will make a way.